


something stupid, something brave

by jinxfabray



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background Chansoo, M/M, all backgrouns relationships are VERY background, background baekxing, background lunstal, bad boy kim jongdae meets lu nicest boy in the whole wide world han, im sorry chanyeol, the rest you can imagine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-29 22:22:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15738501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinxfabray/pseuds/jinxfabray
Summary: when summer ends, jongdae finds a whole new kind of warmth from an unexpected source who crawls into his heart quietly, out of nowhere.(lu han is a jock. jongdae is someone who's always wanted to fuck a jock. things aren't ever as easy as they seem.)





	something stupid, something brave

**Author's Note:**

> well........ here it is. my baby. i hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> as always, thanks to my most amazing incredible beta who kicks ass at constructive criticism and cheerleading, ily.
> 
> prompt read:  
> Lu Han is the jock who buries himself in his textbooks when he's not playing soccer and aces all of his math tests. Jongdae is the choir kid in glasses who skips class on a daily basis and bats his lashes to cut in line at the school canteen. As with the natural order of things, the two cross paths.

****Considering this is his third year in college, it would’ve been reasonable to assume this isn’t Jongdae’s first time at the football field, and yet it really is. Truth be told, he didn’t even know they had one of these until a couple months ago and he definitely didn’t know they had an official uni team either, but apparently they do and they seem to be very good, though he’s not the best person to judge anyone’s sport skills.

He is however someone with two eyes so he _can_ judge Chanyeol’s absolute lack of skills when it comes to handling a football with his excessively long legs, because even if he’s slightly unaware of what the rules are exactly, it would take being entirely oblivious to how sports work in general to think Chanyeol’s anything but terrible. It’s perfect, because it’s what him and Baekhyun were counting on when they agreed on this bet. It was a long summer, with days too hot to do anything but lay on the grass and count mosquitoes while listening to Baekhyun sigh for the billionth time, and Jongdae knew after the second sigh that they needed to do something that would take his mind off of Yixing going home for the holidays. After some thinking, Jongdae turned their dull days into a never ending series of dumb bets, one of them nearly causing him to lose an eyebrow but mostly harmless, though the closer they were to the beginning of classes, the dumber their bets had gotten and the stakes had become a lot higher.

Which brings them here, Tuesday evening, Jongdae and Baekhyun sitting on the bleachers accidentally wearing matching shirts that just make them look even sillier as they cheer on Chanyeol who’s, against all odds, trying out for the football team. It was Baekhyun’s idea that whoever lost their last bet would have to do this, and that sparkle of genius shining in his eyes was an obvious sign that he could almost taste the end of the summer and suddenly those three months pining after his sort of boyfriend were forgotten and replaced by the urge to make the most of those last few days of freedom from exams and classes and busy schedules. Jongdae was so relieved to see him easing back into his old self momentarily, he agreed instantly. Chanyeol needed some convincing, mostly because the bet seemed targeted at making him lose, but Jongdae batted his eyelashes enough that he gave in. He shouldn’t have, because the bet really was intentionally made for him to lose, but Jongdae is glad he did.

The whole concept of Chanyeol showing up at the field in shorts and wearing a headband is already worth sitting here under the sun, but Jongdae’s become rather interested in the game itself, and rather than staring at Chanyeol getting caught in his own legs, he finds his eyes following the movements of the ball. The thing is, ninety percent of the times, the ball is in the possession of the prettiest boy Jongdae has ever seen, and not even Baekhyun nudging him is enough for him to snap out of his pretty boy induced haze.

“He’s friends with Yixing, you know, I can ask about him,” Baekhyun says, and that does pull Jongdae back to earth. “Unless you’d rather jump into the game and ask him yourself which kinda looks like what you’re about to do but do think about Chanyeol, we can’t steal his moment of glory.”

“I’m sure he’d be grateful if you interrupted his suffering,” a grave voice says from behind them, and Jongdae turns with a grin that Kyungsoo mirrors instantly.

“I wasn’t sure we’d ever see you again,” Baekhyun replies in his most dramatic tone, reaching out to pat his knee and twisting his body uncomfortably to do so. “I’m glad the Canadians decided not to keep you, Chanyeol was insufferable without you. How was the internship?”

A year ago, Jongdae would have found Kyungsoo blushing at Baekhyun’s remark about Chanyeol cute, but at this point it’s just dumb that they’re still avoiding the obvious truth of how much they like each other.

“It was good, I learned a lot, and I’m definitely thrilled to have missed out on the high temperatures,” Kyungsoo says, pulling back his knee before he’s done because he can see Baekhyun’s attempt to slap him for having escaped the summer.

“Your loss, really, I personally quite enjoyed feeling like there was not enough water in the world to keep me from dehydrating,” Jongdae shrugs, turning his attention back to the field to check Chanyeol’s still alive and doing terribly. “Also we got to see a lot more of Baekhyun’s naked self than anyone would ever want to, so that’s another thing you totally missed out on.”

“Please, I’ve seen enough of that,” Kyungsoo says with a roll of his eyes, with the experience of someone who’s had the excruciating pleasure of being Baekhyun’s roommate for a whole two years now.

Behind him, something similar to an argument breaks out when Baekhyun tries to defend himself saying anyone else would feel lucky to get a glimpse at his sculpted body, but Jongdae misses Kyungsoo’s reply, becoming a bit too absorbed once again in the cute boy.

“You know,” he says interrupting the argument, “I’ve never fucked a football player.”

“Jesus, Jongdae, you don’t even know his name,” Kyungsoo says, the judging so clear in his voice Jongdae doesn’t even have to turn around to know he’s giving him a chastising look.

“I don’t need to,” Jongdae laughs, resting his elbows on his knees as he stares at the boy running up and down the field. He’s pretty sure he can think of what to call him even without knowing his name, but Kyungsoo wouldn’t approve.

Jongdae doesn’t do this as much as his friends seem to think, and it’s not about him being scared of commitment or whatever else Kyungsoo hypocritically accuses him of. He’s just learned there is a large number of attractive people he can’t hold a conversation with, but that it would be a waste to let that mean he won’t do anything at all with them. A football player doesn’t seem like the kind of person Jongdae would know how to talk to, but this one in particular still looks like someone who could keep Jongdae’s mouth busy in a number of ways that require zero conversational skills.

Chanyeol’s suffering is brought to an ending at last by someone blowing a whistle, and upon seeing others doing it they skip down to the field to comfort him. Spotting Kyungsoo sends Chanyeol’s expression into a frenzy, like it can't decide whether he's thrilled he's here or embarrassed he witnessed all that, trying to show all of that somehow. Jongdae hugs him half heartedly and laughs at his misery, eyes looking for the pretty boy.

Luck seems to be on his side, because he finally finds him amicably chatting to Minseok. Forgetting all about his lanky friend, Jongdae approaches them with a grin that makes Minseok raise a concerned eyebrow at him.

“It's been ages, hyung, where were you hiding?” Jongdae asks, easily disregarding the fact that they were in the middle of a conversation.

“Hello, Jongdae,” Minseok greets him politely but there's a bit of an edge to his tone, like he can tell he's up to something and he doesn't approve even if he doesn't know what it is, just out of principle. “We saw each other a week ago, I'm glad to see your eyebrows have finally grown back entirely.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jongdae says distractedly patting his face, remembering the way too close encounter with fire he'd had recently. “Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend?” he asks pointedly, shooting the other guy his best grin. He looks confused and vaguely afraid, so he tones it down a little, figuring he might be coming on too strong.

“Sure,” Minseok says with such resignation that one would think he spends all his time playing matchmaker for Jongdae when it's only been one time so far and it was an entirely different situation. “Jongdae, this is Lu Han. He's from Beijing, he's on an exchange program.”

“Nice to meet you, Lu Han,” Jongdae bows, far too aware of his grin growing dangerously close to a smirk. Something about Lu Han in football gear and his current deer in the headlights look is making him feel predatory, and he doesn't know how to reel it back in now that it's out there. “We're gonna go get a beer to celebrate Chanyeol embarrassing himself, wanna come?”

“Uh, I'm not sure,” Minseok's answers, crossing a glance with Lu Han. “Beers?” he asks him in Mandarin, and Jongdae wants to facepalm right then and there because hitting on someone who doesn't speak Korean is gonna be very hard.

“Yeah, I would like that,” Lu Han says, and he can speak Korean but it's clearly new to him, accent heavy in every syllable.

“In half an hour so you can change?” Jongdae asks, his Mandarin far more broken and half-assed, but at least he's trying and Lu Han beams at him in a way that has him almost wanting to take a step back just so he can appreciate it better.

“We'll meet you guys outside,” Minseok says, definitely not rolling his eyes but making sure Jongdae can hear how much he wants to do that as he sends him off to where Baekhyun is currently standing, eyes fixed on his phone.

Kyungsoo and Chanyeol are deep in conversation, but Jongdae reaches the group and demands their attention with the one thing that always gets them to look at him.

“We're getting wasted,” he announces, and then adds for good measure, “I'm buying first round if you don't complain about it being a weekday.”

It always works, because his friends are cheap and can’t ever say no to anyone buying them anything, which Jongdae finds slightly concerning sometimes, but right now it works in his favor. Their usual bar is rather crowded for a Tuesday, and it takes them a while to figure out it’s because there’s a special two for one thing but it’s only for cocktails. They all look at each other, because they stick to beer and beer only both because of budget reasons, and because some of them are lightweights and can barely handle a pint, so vodka is out of the question.

Except, it’s a two for one kinda night, and they might be lightweights, but they’re cheap first and foremost.

  
  


Jongdae wakes up with a headache the size of an elephant, and a very long list of regrets. At the top of them lies the dumb idea that he could seduce Lu Han at a bar with his friends and vodka of all things. It all added up so obviously to disaster, but there’s a reason Jongdae always tries to avoid subjects that have any maths in them, and it’s obviously because he’s an idiot who can’t put two and two together.

Some parts of the evening are slightly blurry, but he’s sure he tried to hit on Lu Han several times, and not even once did he use any sort of decent pick up lines, just his cheesiest ones over and over until Lu Han was red in the face. He’s glad he remembers that part, because it makes his headache seem like reasonable punishment.

He’s not sure how he got home, but he’s in his own bed, alone, wearing his jeans but not his shoes, so he figures someone got him back and it wasn’t Baekhyun or they’d be cuddling the hangover away. Maybe Kyungsoo, since he lives nearest. Chanyeol would’ve been decent enough to rid him of his jeans, but Kyungsoo probably thought he deserved being uncomfortable for being an idiot and drinking too much.

With a groan, Jongdae sits up and looks around the bed for his phone. He panics for a second when he can’t find it, but then he sees it on his bedside table, next to a glass of water and an aspirin. Definitely Kyungsoo then. It’s only ten am, and he doesn’t have classes for another two hours, but he needs coffee and he hasn’t stocked up yet so he’s gonna have to go out and get it, much to his dismay.

It takes him a while to put on shoes and wash his face and brush his teeth, but eventually he leaves the apartment, sunglasses on so he can at least pretend he’s not dying inside. He’s locking the door to his place when he hears footsteps coming up the stairs, and he closes his eyes, praying it won’t be someone wanting to make small talk because he really can’t handle that right now.

“Oh, you’re alive!” a voice says cheerfully, and Jongdae has to look because he’d know that accent anywhere. Lu Han’s grin is far too bright for him to handle even if he’s staring at him through his sunglasses, and it makes him squint a little.

“Hey,” he replies, voice hoarse, probably because of the impromptu karaoke Baekhyun and him launched into the night before at some point. He was hoping he’d dreamed that, but apparently it happened.

“I was worried, you know, you were pretty out of it last night,” Lu Han keeps on saying as he unlocks the door right next to Jongdae’s. “You found everything alright? Kyungsoo gave me a lot of instructions, I assumed he’d done this thing before.”

Ah.

Jongdae blinks dumbly a few times before he can find words to say, and Lu Han just stares back, grin starting to waver.

“I’m sorry, that was so stupid of me,” Jongdae says at last, sighing. “I swear no matter what Kyungsoo said, I don’t usually -- I mean, I know my limits most times. But vodka is my nemesis.”

“Yeah, you said that last night, several times,” Lu Han chuckles shyly, taking his hand to the side of his head like he’s going to run his fingers through his hair but decides against it last minute, pulling on his ear instead. Jongdae fixates on that gesture, brain still working in slow motion and picking up details for no reason.

“I probably said a lot of stupid shit, so, uh. I apologize for everything, just in case,” he says, offering Lu Han a smile that seems to calm his nerves, his shoulders finally falling relaxed.

“No, no, it was fun,” Lu Han nods. He’s just standing there, with his hand on the knob and the door half open, and Jongdae wishes so badly he could remember what happened the night before. Is Lu Han straight? Whatever it was he said when he rejected him, it can’t have been that bad or he would be far more nervous, judging from how he’s been acting so far. He looks like the kind of guy who’d feel guilty forever if he had to be even slightly mean, so Jongdae figures it must have been something other than him just not being into Jongdae, and some part of him is hoping it may have just been because he was drunk and Lu Han is polite and respectful. He certainly looks like it.

“Sorry, I, uh, I didn’t mean to hold you… I was just gonna get some coffee, but, you know. Thanks for bringing me home and all that,” Jongdae smiles, gesturing vaguely, Lu Han’s eyes following the movement of his hands like he can read something in it.

“Were you going somewhere in particular? Because I have coffee, if you don’t wanna, uh. Be outside,” Lu Han offers, nodding with his head towards his room, and it’s slowly starting to sink into Jongdae’s brain that they’re neighbours and it’s infinitely better than the obnoxious American exchange student that used to live next door, but it might also be infinitely worse if Lu Han turns out to be straight and Jongdae’s doomed to see him all the time. He’s beautiful, which isn’t a word Jongdae uses lightly, but he can’t think of any other when it comes to Lu Han’s gentle smile. Beautiful.

“That would be amazing, actually, if you don’t mind, I’m not ready to face the rest of the world just yet,” Jongdae laughs, and Lu Han opens the door wider instantly, like he was hoping he’d say yes.

“Come on in then,” he tells him with a shrug.

All the apartments are pretty similar, but Lu Han’s seems somewhat bigger, probably because he doesn’t have much lying around. Jongdae takes it in quickly, not wanting to look nosey but still curious, and when he looks up at Lu Han, he finds him looking back already.

“Uh, make yourself at home,” Lu Han says, looking away quickly, like he’s been caught somehow.

Jongdae sits down on one of the chairs, making a mental note to see if anyone has an old couch they’re trying to get rid of because it’s a necessity and the provided furniture doesn’t include anything but terrible chairs. The table’s covered with books, and Jongdae can’t help but raise his eyebrows when he realizes they’re all textbooks. Specifically, they seem to be maths textbooks, but he can’t imagine anyone having this many of those. He’d kind of imagined Lu Han would just have football trophies (which he does, but they’re peeking out of a box like he couldn’t be bothered to put them up) and maybe magazines. Definitely not a hardback copy of Fractal Theory looking worn out with sticky notes everywhere. Jongdae doesn’t know what fractals are, but it sounds complicated and very unlike Lu Han. Then again, he clearly doesn’t know Lu Han yet.

The kitchen is only separated from the living room area by an improvised bar, and he can see Lu Han opening cabinets and taking out mugs, the coffee machine buzzing comfortingly. Right next to it, the fridge has post it notes, again with what looks like equations or something horrible like that, and… a picture. Jongdae finally takes off his sunglasses, because he probably looks ridiculous and also because he needs to get a better look at it without standing up, but it wasn’t an effect of the light.

“Ah, that’s her, yeah,” Lu Han says, his grin turning shy as he taps his finger against the girl on the picture. “Took it on our first anniversary, my hair was terrible back then -- that’s how you know it’s real love, you know, when you look at things like this and see what you’ve put people through.”

Suddenly, it all comes back to Jongdae. That’s why Lu Han gently pushed him away, because he has a girlfriend in Beijing, and of course the worst possible outcome would be the one that Jongdae gets stuck with. Lu Han is happily committed to some girl, even if she’s in a different country, and Jongdae can’t help but deflate. Luckily, Lu Han’s attention is on the coffee machine again, so he doesn’t notice.

“Must be hard, long distance,” Jongdae muses, leaning back on the chair with a long suffering sigh as needles of pain shoot up in at least three different sections of his back, probably because he slept in a weird position and also he vaguely recalls Baekhyun forcing him to carry him on his back at some point. Inside the bar? He’s not sure.

“It’s not easy,” Lu Han nods, making his way around the bar and putting down two cups of coffee on the table. “Do you wanna eat something? I kind of had breakfast before class, but I have cereal, if your stomach is up for it.”

“Oh no, don’t worry about it, I don’t think I could handle solids yet,” Jongdae laughs, bringing the mug to his face and taking in the smell, knowing already it’s gonna beat the instant coffee he makes at his own place. “You have very early classes, you should have said so, I wouldn’t have, uh. Dragged you all out, if you had to be up early.”

“I’m always up early,” Lu Han says so cheerfully it’s nearly a chipper. “I signed up for the earliest classes I could find so I could study during the day… I’ve got a lot to catch up on, and training takes up so much time. But I had fun, it’s nice meeting new people.”

Jongdae nods distractedly, busy with inhaling the coffee and trying to get it into his bloodstream as quickly as possible. As his brain starts to come back to life, his memories of the night before slowly return to him, and they’re mostly embarrassing, but at least he can’t remember the moment where he… well, whatever it was he did, he does know Lu Han told him about his girlfriend nearly apologetically, so he must have confessed his intentions in some way.

“Well, you’re welcome to come along anytime,” Jongdae says after he’s let the silence go on for a second too long, and Lu Han’s eyes are on him like he’s trying to figure out if his Korean failed him and he said something terrible. When Jongdae finally speaks, Lu Han smiles so wide his eyes turn into crescents, and Jongdae’s heart turns into mush. He hides his face in his coffee mug again, because he’s not gone through a life of heartbreaks to be here blushing because of some straight boy.

“Thanks, I’d love that,” Lu Han says, still beaming like he just won something, and Jongdae decides it must be the steam from his mug that’s making his face feel so warm. It has to be.

  
  
  


It hits him in the middle of class. He’s pretty much snoozing at the back of the classroom, the voice of the teacher so monotone it’s almost a tender lullaby, when he suddenly startles himself awake with the realization. Baekhyun has his forehead on the desk and he’s sleeping so soundly Jongdae would feel bad about waking him up if this wasn’t so important. It helps that he’s so deeply asleep he’s starting to make his little sleeping noises and those are a dead giveaway, so waking him up is in everyone’s best interest.

“Is it over?” Baekhyun asks, rubbing his eyes as he tries to come back from whatever dream he was having.

“No, but listen,” Jongdae says, nudging him unnecessarily since he’s already paying attention to him. “Lu Han likes me.”

Baekhyun raises his eyebrows as he yawns, resting an elbow on the table and dropping his head on his hand.

“Are you overthinking or did he suddenly text you a love confession?”

“Neither, I just remembered what we talked about last night -- when I tried hitting on him, you were busy crying on Minseok’s shoulder because Yixing is still in China,” Jongdae reminds him, keeping his voice down since the teacher is apparently still talking about something at the front of the class. “I did some very smooth work, to be honest, and he said… I can’t remember the whole thing, but I know he said something about his girlfriend and apparently they’re not doing so well?”

“For the record, I wasn't crying, I'm just highly allergic to being boyfriendless for so long,” Baekhyun pointed out, holding a finger up in the air for emphasis. “But listen, just because they're not doing well doesn't mean you have a shot at anything or at least… I don't know, seems kind of shitty to think of it that way, poor guy.”

Jongdae gets what Baekhyun is trying to say, he really does, but he also really likes Lu Han and wants to see if he tastes as sweet as he looks. Still, though he'd usually scoff, maybe even roll his eyes at Baekhyun and his unavoidable empathy towards people in long distance relationships, something feels off this time. He thinks about Lu Han grinning at the picture this morning, and then remembers the absolute helplessness in his face the night before when he told him he'd spent the summer with her after a year of missing her and he'd just ended up missing her more, and he feels… bad? Definitely not predatory, like he would under normal circumstances at the sight of such an easy prey.

“I guess you're right,” he says after a moment, waking Baekhyun back up since he'd dozed off again. He looks startled, like he wasn't expecting him to agree at all, and Jongdae hates how his expression softens. “This is bad, isn't it? I'm pretty sure I told him a billion times last night I just wanted to make him feel better for like fifteen minutes so his girlfriend wasn't really a problem, and now I feel bad for him and his heartbreak?”

“You make it sound like you liking him is what's bad about this,” Baekhyun grimaces, picking up his pen for the first time in the whole class just to poke Jongdae’s side. “Having feelings isn't bad, but liking someone who probably thinks you're an absolute asshole now isn't great.”

“I don't like him,” Jongdae says, rubbing the wounded spot as he frowns at him. “And even if I did… I'm not actually an asshole, so. He just has to get to know me and he'll see that.”

“You can be,” Baekhyun says with a knowing look that makes Jongdae want to hit him, but then Baekhyun would yelp and someone might notice they're not really present in class in any way besides physically. “Don't give me that face, you were literally being a dick about his relationship two seconds ago. If you want him to think you're not an asshole, you're gonna have to actually stop being one entirely. At least when you're around him.”

Jongdae scoffs, turning to stare at the board like he could possibly understand what's going on there when he hasn't got a clue which class they're in. He's not an asshole. He'll show Lu Han that, and Baekhyun too, while he's at it.

  
  
  
  
  


All of Jongdae’s brilliant plans to prove to Lu Han how much of a nice guy he is fall through because apparently he wasn’t kidding at all when he’d described his busy schedule. He’s always gone by the time Jongdae wakes up, and he can’t manage to catch him coming back even when he spends a whole day with his ear glued to the door. He doesn’t show up at lunch for almost a whole week either, and Jongdae’s starting to wonder if he’s neighborless again.

“Do you think I’m an asshole?” he asks Chanyeol on Tuesday, because he would like to at least know what he’s working with, in case Lu Han hasn’t flown back to Beijing.

“No,” Chanyeol says with determination that flickers almost instantly. “Well, I mean…”

“Hey,” Jongdae yelps indignantly, hitting his shoulder. “You can’t change your answer, it’s already been submitted, too late.”

“I’m not changing it… entirely,” Chanyeol hesitates, giving Jongdae an apologetic smile. “If you were a complete asshole, you wouldn’t have thought of me while hitting on the cafeteria dude, but you brought me free dessert. However, if you weren’t an asshole at all, you would’ve paid for your food like everyone else does instead of getting that poor guy’s hopes up _again_.”

“If I got his hopes up then I definitely crushed them to the underground when I asked him for double dessert,” Jongdae mumbles, unwilling to admit that may not have been his brightest moment. He’s broke, and Chanyeol’s pockets are so empty there’s tumbleweed rolling by in them, so it was for a good cause, but the fact that he has to justify himself even in his own brain is a bad sign.

“That’s even worse, dude,” Chanyeol frowns like he’s not happily eating his free dessert, even under the glare the guy is sending him. Jongdae catches his eye and smiles weakly, feeling regretful until the guy smiles back and he’s not entirely bad looking, especially when he’s grinning like that. “Jongdae, really?”

Chanyeol snaps him out of his very inappropriate track of thoughts, waving his gigantic fingers in front of him and getting his attention back. Jongdae can almost hear the sigh the cashier lets out even from outside the cafeteria.

“See, that’s the thing, you’re a great guy, but you get a little sidetracked when you think with either your stomach or your dick.” Chanyeol shrugs his shoulders as he licks his disposable spoon and starts piling up their dirty dishes, and Jongdae drops his forehead on the table, hoping his apparent death will make Chanyeol leave him alone and also, throw his trash while he’s dealing with his own. “Oh hey, Lu Han!” Chanyeol says animatedly, but Jongdae knows him too well, and he won’t be fooled into lifting his head because then Chanyeol will just try and get him to take his own dirty plate back to the cafeteria guy and that’s just not going to happen.

“Is he okay?” says someone with the sweetest voice Jongdae’s ever heard, and though his first instinct is to snap back into a sitting position as quickly as he can, he figures if Lu Han’s seen him already burying his face in a table of questionable hygiene he might as well continue to pretend he’s passed on to a better life.

“I think he may have died,” Chanyeol answers matter-of-factly, because he’s a good friend who loves Jongdae. “Mind keeping an eye on him while I take this over there, just in case he comes back to life?” he asks, because he hates Jongdae and wants him to die for real.

Lu Han agrees to watch over Jongdae’s lifeless body cheerfully, and he sits down right next to him, which forces Jongdae to crack an eye open, tilting his head so he can look at him.

“Tired?” Lu Han asks, which is hilarious since Jongdae’s pretty sure Lu Han hasn’t slept in a billion years, or if he has, it hasn’t been at his own apartment. Not that Jongdae cares where Lu Han sleeps, obviously.

“Those books seem so heavy they’re making my back hurt just from looking at them,” he says, gesturing awkwardly with his chin in the direction of the pile of textbooks Lu Han’s put on the table. Slowly, he sits up, rubbing the side of his face in case he’s got any dirt stuck to it. “Do you ever eat?” Jongdae asks, because he’s actually tired and frustrated and now that he’s looking at Lu Han’s stupidly beautiful face, he’s also realizing how badly he wants him to like him, even if it’s just as a person and in some stupid, platonic way.

“I eat three meals a day,” Lu Han answers very earnestly, though he’s making that face Jongdae’s learned means he’s worried he’s misunderstanding. It’s kind of impressive how he always replies confidently even if he’s scared he might end up looking dumb. “I haven’t had lunch yet though because I stayed behind after class and I think they’re not serving lunch anymore?”

“No, but there’s always something left if you know how to ask for it,” Jongdae says, trailing off towards the end of his sentence as he tries to locate the cafeteria guy, spotting him by the end of the bar chatting with Chanyeol.

“But the kitchen’s closed,” Lu Han frowns, following Jongdae’s gaze and then staring back at him like he’s not making any sense. “He’s off the clock, probably, right?”

“It won’t take him more than a second to just go back in and bring you whatever they have left, and they probably throw leftovers away anyhow, so really you’re doing the environment a favor,” Jongdae rambles on, keeping his eyes on Chanyeol’s back because he wants to catch the eye of the other guy, and also because Lu Han has an intense stare and he can’t turn to face him right now. He’s trying to be nice and help him, and Lu Han won’t let him, which is quite frustrating.

“I don’t wanna bother him,” Lu Han says with determination, and when Jongdae looks back at him he grins like he’s won something. “You don’t have to do that, don’t worry. I’ll grab a bite later.”

Jongdae wants to point out how late it is already, and he’s pretty sure Lu Han has training in a bit and he should definitely eat, but he can’t form any words because it’s just hit him that Lu Han out-niced him without even trying when he was making a herculean effort. In fact, it’s slowly starting to sink in, Jongdae’s massive effort at being nice to Lu Han involved being an asshole to someone else, and maybe Baekhyun was onto something. Maybe he needs to reevaluate his entire life choices.

“Here,” Chanyeol says as he sits back with them, putting a tray with a plate of noodles and bread right in front of Lu Han. “Siwon over there says you look starved.”

Lu Han turns red all the way up to the tips of his ears, immediately hurrying to turn around so he can bow multiple times at Siwon. Jongdae glances between the two of them, and he gets it now, what Baekhyun and Chanyeol were trying to say. There’s a lot he could learn from Lu Han, apparently, so maybe trying to not be an asshole around him might be worth it even if he doesn’t have a shot at getting laid and fucking his first football player.

  
  
  


It’s like once Jongdae has finally got it into his head that Lu Han goes to class and studies and trains and is very unlikely to be found lazing around at home, everything gets easier. Suddenly, Jongdae feels like he’s won special insight because he can find Lu Han so easily now -- instead of waiting for him to show up for a three pm nap at his apartment like any other normal human being, Jongdae drops by the library and pretends to study by his side. It’s not as perfect as it sounds, because Jongdae now misses his afternoon nap and he’s poked awake when he’s starting to drift off into dreamland right on the library table.

“Early class?” Lu Han asks, giggling like Jongdae’s inability to stay up in the presence of his textbooks is something to be laughed about.

“Not really,” Jongdae yawns, stretching his arms over his head and getting a dirty look from the librarian, as if he could possibly control the volume of his yawning. “Just, got tired after lunch.”

“You don’t have to stay with me, you know,” Lu Han says, suddenly looking a bit cautious. “I’ve been coming study here for like, well. All of last year, really. It’s so quiet at this time, probably because you’re not the only one with that problem. So, yeah, I’m used to it, if you were like, concerned or something.”

“I’m not concerned,” Jongdae replies and it comes out so harsh automatically, because it’s his default setting when he feels he’s been caught but Lu Han doesn’t deserve that, so he does his best to dial it down right away. “I mean, unless I’m bothering you, I… I don’t know, I study better with company, I thought maybe you did too.”

“Oh, I do,” Lu Han grins. “Doesn’t your friend Baekhyun study with you then? I’ve never seen you two around here.”

Jongdae guesses that’s Lu Han’s subtle way of saying it’s kind of funny how they were in the same college for a whole year sharing friends and never saw each other until now, clearly because Lu Han frequents places where people go study or work, and Jongdae frequents... the bar, mostly.

“Baekhyun doesn’t really study,” Jongdae says, scrunching up his face in an expression he hopes Lu Han can interpret as mildly annoyed but not really. “He just sort of floats through classes, basically. When he shows up, that is, which hasn’t been very often lately since Yixing came back.”

“Ah,” Lu Han nods understandingly, eyes wide open showing very transparently he did not understand at all. “What does he do?”

“Like his major?” Jongdae asks, leaning back on his chair and glancing at the librarian to make sure she’s not on his way to come hit him with a dictionary or something. “He’s doing literature and environmental engineering.”

He gives it a moment, so Lu Han can fully digest his words, and he holds steady eye contact while he goes through the shock of realizing he did actually understand correctly.

“And he doesn’t study?” Lu Han says, the tone of his voice one Jongdae has heard many times before when he tells people about Baekhyun, especially people who work as hard as Lu Han does at school.

“Yeah, see, Baekhyun’s… kind of a genius,” Jongdae shrugs, yawning again as he leans on the table, elbow digging into a book he doesn’t even remember picking up. “Like, he’s always been super smart and he can bullshit his way through anything but like, in the way that he has no idea what he’s saying and yet it’s exactly the right answer because his brain works like that. It’s unfair, I know, but it’s not like it’s done him many favors.”

“Sounds like a dream come true,” Lu Han sighs so softly Jongdae isn’t sure he heard him right.

“His parents were really hard on him, when we were kids, they wanted him to make the most out of his supposed gift and like, grow up to be a doctor who cured cancer or something,” Jongdae hurries to say, because defending Baekhyun always comes easily and urgently. “But Baekhyun didn’t wanna, and they fought all his way through high school. They haven’t spoken to him in so long, I can’t even remember the last time I saw them and I practically lived with him most summer breaks.”

There’s something in Lu Han’s expression Jongdae can’t quite place, a shadow of some sort that wasn’t there before, and Jongdae wonders if Baekhyun’s story has hit close to home. It would make sense, if someone else was making Lu Han study all that complicated maths nonsense Jongdae can’t figure out.

“What about you, then?” Lu Han asks after a silence that’s a beat too long not to be awkward, but he brushes it off easily like he didn’t just stare into the void for a whole minute and a half. “No offense, but you don’t seem to be too used to studying either, are you a genius too?”

At this, Jongdae cracks up loud enough the librarian looks dangerously close to throwing a book at his head.

“God, no, I’m not a genius, I’m just… overall bad at classes,” Jongdae shrugs, wiping a tear from his exaggerated bursting into laughter. “I’ve always sucked, Baekhyun’s saved my ass a billion times and honestly, he says he’s doing it because he likes it but I think he’s doing literature just so I don’t drop out.”

The way Lu Han tilts his head to look at him tells Jongdae he doesn’t find this as funny as it actually is. It’s been like this forever, genius Baekhyun and his charming friend, getting through life as best as they can each with their own particular set of skills. Granted, Baekhyun’s seem to be widely more useful than Jongdae’s, but half the time he resents them so they’re mostly even, and they usually fool everyone because Jongdae is so good at looking decent and responsible and Baekhyun does his best to make sure no one thinks he’s a secret nerd.

“Why do you… I mean, if you’re not comfortable with it, why don’t you do something else?” Lu Han asks, his own homework forgotten. He’s giving Jongdae his full attention like his personal life story and the way he ended up turning into an absolute loser who’s frustrated with his academic life is riveting. It makes him itchy, because Lu Han probably has a much more interesting life story himself, but he’s staring at him so intensely Jongdae feels compelled to give him a proper answer.

“I don’t know what I wanna do,” he answers truthfully, and it’s a simple response but it seems to please Lu Han, who smiles at him. “I had to study something because… it was a faster way to get out of my house than getting a job and saving up. It wasn’t a smart choice because I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with this degree, but… I don’t know. I guess I thought I’d figure out what I really wanted at some point over the years, and instead I’m still as lost as ever.”

“You still have time to figure it out, though,” Lu Han nods, sounding so confident Jongdae actually believes him, and then he’s reaching over the table and putting his hand over Jongdae’s and making his brain short circuit when he squeezes it.

“What about you?” he asks, doing his best effort to pretend he didn’t just get infinitely flustered by sudden physical contact. “I mean, it’s kind of an odd combination, the football player majoring in maths, was it like some sort of deal you worked out with your parents so they wouldn’t be mad about you playing?”

Lu Han raises his eyebrows, apparently unaware of how he’s still holding hands with Jongdae.

“Actually… it’s kind of the other way around,” he shrugs, finally letting go of Jongdae’s hand which is now left feeling lonely and cold, and Jongdae kind of wants to kick himself for it. “I like football, but I never planned on making a career out of it. But I’m not terrible at it, and my parents… they don’t think maths is a viable career option, and they’re probably right. I mean, I’m definitely not gonna make as much money in it as I could if I kept at football and get scouted, you know?”

It’s definitely not the answer Jongdae was expecting to hear, but somehow, it makes more sense than anything else he could have imagined him saying. It’s funny how Lu Han keeps tearing down the initial picture Jongdae had in mind when upon first seeing him, and all his plans to be fucked senseless by some dumb jock have morphed along with his perception of Lu Han. Right now, his plans are along the lines of just holding hands with a boy with a beautiful smile, though Jongdae would probably never admit that.

“So you play to keep your parents happy, but secretly you’re just a giant nerd?” Jongdae asks with a playful smile threatening to twist the corner of his lips.

“That’s a bit reductive, but yeah, it’s one way of putting it,” Lu Han laughs, running his fingers through his hair to push it back, and Jongdae has a fond memory of two seconds ago, when he was touching those fingers, and instantly feels sick to his stomach. “Tian… my girlfriend, you know, she’s very into the whole football player idea too. I think she’s worried about us having a family and me feeding them equations, but I don’t see how moving countries to play in whichever team hires me would work out better in that case.”

It works like a bucket of cold water, the mention of the girlfriend snapping Jongdae back into reality. Lu Han is very friendly, Jongdae is bordering on liking him a bit too much, and Lu Han’s girlfriend is a real person who wants to have a family with him apparently. The conversation drifts off after that, partly because Lu Han seems to have accidentally made himself sad by saying all that, and also because he’s remembered he’s here to study and he has an incredible attention span which Jongdae can only dream of.

  
  


After figuring out his schedule, it’s hard for Jongdae to keep himself from accidentally stalking Lu Han. If he’s got a free couple of hours, and he knows Lu Han will be training, then he doesn’t see the harm in using his time to learn a bit more about this thing he’s so passionate about.

“You’re so good at lying to yourself it’s almost scary,” Baekhyun says from his spot on the bleacher where’s lying down, face covered by a book. They didn’t really have free time, they skipped and then Baekhyun realized Yixing was in class so he followed Jongdae, and he’s been mumbling about Jongdae’s stalkerish ways for the past half hour. However, he’s also lending Jongdae his portable charger so he can’t really complain. “Just admit you’re obsessed with him and go, no one’s gonna buy that you’re interested in sports all of a sudden.”

Jongdae shoots him an annoyed look, resting his elbows on his knees as he looks back to the field. It’s still warm, and Lu Han’s been running under the sun so that he’s so sweaty Jongdae can almost see it all the way from here. There’s a slight chance it might just be wishful thinking, and Jongdae’s never in his entire life been turned on by the idea of someone dripping in sweat, but Lu Han is breaking all of his schemes, one by one.

What’s really concerning though, is how Jongdae actually is starting to find sports less disgusting. After Lu Han explained his position in the field and some rules the last time they accidentally ended up having lunch together, Jongdae started paying attention, and he thinks he might be starting to understand what’s going on the field. A part of him is worried he might be starting to like Lu Han for his personality more than he does for his body, but he can’t dwell on that thought because it’s downright terrifying. Jongdae doesn’t do that sort of thing, and if he were to do it, he wouldn’t choose a boy in an exchange program with a girlfriend waiting at home. He might not be the brightest around, but he’s not that dumb either.

Staring at Lu Han long enough always ends with him looking back, and though he smiles everytime, Jongdae is never ready.

“I can’t even see you and yet I know you’re being disgusting,” Baekhyun mumbles, quietly enough that Jongdae thinks he might be falling asleep. It doesn’t stop him from pulling at his ear in retaliation. Baekhyun’s phone starts buzzing, and it’s easy to know it’s Yixing judging from how quickly he scrambles up into a sitting position, forgetting all about Jongdae. It’s alright though, because Jongdae’s locked eyes with Lu Han again right as training ends, and he’s beckoning him over like Jongdae won’t combust into flames if he steps onto the field.

He skips down the steps regardless of that irrational fear of his, nearly falling down when he sees Lu Han uncapping a bottle of water and dumping it on his own head like a mad person. It’s fine. Jongdae is just glad to know that learning Lu Han is a cute nerd hasn’t made him any less fuckable, that’s all.

“Hey,” Lu Han says when Jongdae finally reaches the edge of the field, jogging up to him like he didn’t just run for who knows how long. In an alternate universe, Jongdae is a better person and his mouth doesn’t water at the idea of his apparently incredible stamina, but in this one, he has to swallow thickly and look away for a second. “Getting some air again?”

It takes a moment for Jongdae to remember that that was his excuse last time, when Lu Han caught him off guard and asked how he’d ended up sitting under the sun watching training like it was a normal hobby for him. There’s a teasing undertone in his voice, and Jongdae wonders sometimes if Lu Han is even aware he likes Jongdae and how it keeps showing even if it’s subtle, because he’s sure he does like him. He just likes his girlfriend more, for the time being.

“Yeah, Baekhyunnie needed to be freed from some boring class,” Jongdae says with a shrug, not even bothering to look back because he knows Baekhyun has probably disappeared already, running off to wherever Yixing is. “And those bleachers are more comfortable than they look. Bit hot though, under the sun and everything, but at least I wasn’t running like a mad person.”

“I was running like a mad person?” Lu Han snorts, looking somewhat startled by the comparison.

“Anyone who runs under non life-threatening circumstances is a mad person,” Jongdae laughs, shaking his head as Lu Han chuckles along. It feels vaguely dangerous, like this interaction is bordering on flirting and he’s very tempted to push it over the edge and see what happens, but it wouldn’t be wise. It would be an asshole move. He’s trying to be less of an asshole, Baekhyun told him to. “You run… I don’t know, you seem like you know what you’re doing, that’s the most I can say.”

“Thanks,” Lu Han says, quite sheepishly, and Jongdae could swear he blushes a little. It wasn’t even a good compliment, but maybe he doesn’t need to push anything for this to evolve. Maybe it was destined to happen, and he can’t be blamed by how fate works, right? “Uh, I should go hit the showers.”

“Oh, right. They’ve all left already. Are you gonna have to have a cold shower now, since they used all the hot water  up?” Jongdae asks, glancing over Lu Han’s shoulder at the empty field.

“Wouldn’t be so bad,” Lu Han says so quietly Jongdae isn’t sure he heard him right. “No but uh, I don’t mind it anyway… I’d rather shower with cold water if it means I get to do it alone.”

“Well that just kills all my hopes and expectations,” Jongdae teases without thinking, hurrying to add something else, anything that comes to mind so Lu Han can’t react to those words. “Do you, get embarrassed or something? You’ve known them for like a year though, right?”

“Yeah, it’s not that,” Lu Han answers, still quite obviously reeling from Jongdae’s unnecessary joke. “I just, I don’t really get on with some of the guys in the team… that makes it awkward.”

There’s a silence which Jongdae should use to reflect upon his actions and also maybe put two and two together and think about Lu Han, foreign exchange student, majoring in maths, trying to bond with jocks. Instead, his brain is stuck on the whole shower concept, which is terribly annoying.

“Okay, I’ll let you go then,” he says, bringing his hand to the back of his neck and glancing to the spot where Baekhyun used to be, finding it empty.

“Do you wanna do something later?” Lu Han asks, making Jongdae look back at him so quickly it nearly gives him whiplash. “Like, hang out or something? I have to finish some homework, but we can get coffee or. I don’t know. If you didn’t have anything else to do.”

Apparently everything about Lu Han gives Jongdae whiplash, because suddenly he’s made aware again of how little friends Lu Han has here, and how the reason he’s always so eager to hang out with him is probably because he’s glad to have someone to talk to besides Minseok or Yixing.

“Sure,” he nods with a smile that Lu Han mirrors instantly.

“Okay, come with, I’ll be quick and then I’ll grab my stuff and we can go,” Lu Han says, reaching out and grabbing Jongdae’s hand, tugging slightly to get him to follow.

Jongdae is fairly certain there were locker rooms in his high school, but either he didn’t frequent them much, or they were wildly different from these. There’s no one in them, and Lu Han heads straight to his locker, pulling out towels and other things which he neatly piles up on a bench, Jongdae sitting on the other end of it. Lu Han’s methodic about everything, and it’s somewhat fascinating to watch when he does anything because he’s so careful with it all. He casts a side glance at Jongdae, and then he’s pulling his jersey over his head.

He’s got a small frame, but he seems rock solid, which seems logical considering how much he trains. Like everything about him, Lu Han’s bare chest is pretty, and Jongdae definitely wants to look away but instead he finds himself biting on his lip, slightly overwhelmed by the situation. The locker room feels terribly small all of a sudden, the bench too short, Lu Han and his naked chest staring right at him at arm's length.

It hasn’t occurred to Jongdae yet that Lu Han might be feeling the same, but then he looks up, teeth still digging into his bottom lip, and he finds Lu Han looking right back at him, eyes focused like he was examining him. It is only then that Jongdae considers the tension in the air can’t be coming entirely from him, and he tilts his head as he scoots up closer, Lu Han staying so still he seems almost afraid something will break if he moves.

It’s ridiculous. Jongdae has seen countless shirtless boys in his life. But Lu Han is different, and it’s not just the football player in the showers scenario that appeals so intensely to his dick, there’s also something about how three seconds ago he was thinking about how kind and disgustingly sweet Lu Han seems to be, and now he’s standing here giving him a look like he wants to devour him, and the contrast is driving Jongdae crazy.

He vaguely remembers something about not being an asshole and not doing this, Baekhyun’s voice sounding in the back of his head, but it’s distant and he turns it off easily, the proximity making it easier to focus on Lu Han and Lu Han only. Getting to his feet, Jongdae takes Lu Han’s jersey from his hands, folding it and putting it on top of his pile of things, mostly because the quiet staring into each other’s eyes is making him uneasy and this seemed like a quick way to close the distance but also give Lu Han time to run if he wanted to. Lu Han stays in place, eyebrows raised like there’s some sort of unspoken challenge hanging in the air between them, and Jongdae is beyond ready to step up to it.

“All that running pays off,” he says with a smirk that he can’t and won’t hold back under these circumstances, reaching out and pressing the tip of his finger to Lu Han’s chest and running it down over merely an inch of his skin before pulling away. This is a game Jongdae has never lost at, and this won’t be an exception.

Lu Han is staring at his mouth like he’s going to find answers in the curve of his smile, and Jongdae wants him to close the gap desperately so, but he can’t bring himself to do it. It doesn’t feel like it’s his turn yet, not until Lu Han has made his own move first.

He takes a step back, shoulders knocking against his locker, and that wasn’t the move Jongdae was expecting but he follows, taking a hesitant step forward in case Lu Han wanted to put distance between them.

“You would look so good on the field,” Lu Han says quietly like he’s answering a question Jongdae never asked, hands going up in the air as if he’s going to reach for Jongdae, but he doesn’t quite make it, making fists instead and letting them fall to his sides. “But you sit up there with the sun washing all over you, looking like a god… maybe the bleachers are your rightful place, closer to the sky.”

Jongdae doesn’t mean to snort, but no one’s called him a god before and it sounds like a ridiculous word at first, but Lu Han is staring at him with something that he now thinks could be mistaken for reverence and there’s nothing funny about it anymore.

“That’s a complicated way to say I’m hot,” he smiles, but Lu Han doesn’t smile back. He closes his eyes, leaning his head back against the locker in what Jongdae assumes is frustration, but the move exposes his neck in a way that makes his own throat go dry.

“Everything about you is complicated,” Lu Han mutters. Jongdae wants to reach for his throat, see if it vibrates when he speaks, trace his finger up his jaw, thumb at his lip. His hands are itching to touch, but he waits another moment. “I have a girlfriend, I told you a thousand times. I… I’m dating someone. we’re good friends. I don’t know how you do things normally, but I don’t do stuff like this.”

There is something to be considered about how Lu Han keeps his eyes shut until he’s done talking, and how the look in his eyes when he finally looks back at Jongdae is nowhere near as determined as it was two seconds ago when the only thought in his mind seemed to be making Jongdae moan. Jongdae could win this, he knows it, he’s just got to say the right words.

“It’s not that complicated, your girlfriend’s an ocean away and she wants you to give up on your dreams so you can make her rich, while I’m here and I just wanna kiss you,” Jongdae says, and Lu Han’s mouth falls open.

Evidently, those weren’t the right words.

“You don’t know anything about Tian,” Lu Han says defiantly, and Jongdae takes a step back, because he’s bad at lots of things but he’s excellent at knowing a lost cause when he sees one. “Tian loves me, and I wouldn’t betray her just because she’s far away.”

“Okay,” Jongdae shrugs, walking backwards until his legs hit the bench and he has to actually look at where he’s going so he doesn’t make a fool of himself. “Sure. You’re so happily in love you were a second away from letting me blow you right here where anyone could walk in. I sure hope Tian is a little more committed, even if it’s just to your potential money.”

Lu Han looks scandalized, and Jongdae doesn’t wanna find out which part shocked him so terribly, because he would hate to find out he was the only one who was sure about the blowjob part having felt like a given before he’d opened his mouth and ruined his chances.

“I made a mistake,” Lu Han says after a moment, and Jongdae raises his eyebrows, completely taken aback by what sounds a lot like an apology. “Just now, like that night at the bar, I fucked up and… led you on or something, and I’m sorry, but it’s not gonna happen. It doesn’t matter how I feel, I can’t… but you don’t have to be such an asshole about it, you know.”

Jongdae’s mouth opens, then it closes again. Lu Han is staring at him fiercely, looking like he feels brave for having apologized, and Jongdae can’t even imagine owning up to things like that, loud and openly. It never ceases to amaze him, how easily being good seems to come to Lu Han.

“I’m sorry,” Jongdae says, running his fingers through his hair and looking away. “I don’t mean to be an asshole. I just… I really like you. And I think you like me too, so being friends seems… hard.”

“But I wanna be friends,” Lu Han says, nearly pleading, and Jongdae looks back at him, holding his gaze for a moment until he nods and looks back down at his own hands.

“We are friends,” he shrugs. He feels like he needs to take a shower himself, get rid of whatever just transpired between the two of them, because it’s his only shot at giving Lu Han what he wants. “We’ll be friends. Go - go shower, we’ll go have coffee and do homework after. I’ll wait outside.”

Lu Han stares at him, Jongdae knows because he can feel his eyes on him. He waits, looks up, and finds him smiling so softly he wants to escape, run as far as he can from this situation.

“Great. Okay,” Lu Han nods. “I’ll be quick,” he says, grabbing his stuff, and Jongdae watches him disappear into the showers, making his own way out of the lockers because he does actually need the air this time.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Since the beginning of time, or at least since high school, Jongdae’s group of friends has had one unchangeable core. He’d acquired Baekhyun at kindergarten, but Sunyoung had come even before that. Her parents lived right next door to Jongdae’s, and he’s pretty sure since the moment she’d been born, both their families had kept their eyes on the two of them with high expectations they had done their best to demolish.

Soojung came after, giving their group its final form while also threatening to break it apart since both Jongdae and Sunyoung had started questioning their sexualities at the sight of her, but everything worked out in the end and friendship prevailed, though sometimes Jongdae still catches Sunyoung staring at Soojung like maybe there is still something there.

Their first year of college, Jongdae and Baekhyun were suddenly on their own, and life brought Chanyeol and Kyungsoo into their world, and then Minseok and Yixing, but every now and then Jongdae still finds himself on the floor at the girls’ shared room, watching them banter like they’re still fifteen and nothing’s changed at all. It happens especially when things are bad, for any of them, like they still have the string phone Sunyoung had set up between their windows when they were six and their made up alarm still goes off, somehow, except now it’s silent and instead of ringing it tugs at their heartstrings.

He’s not sure who rang the alarm this time, but it’s starting to feel like it might have been him.

“These are all terrible,” Sunyoung whines from her bed as she goes through their summer pictures. They went to Osaka, and they invited Jongdae but he chose to stay for Baekhyun’s sake, though now he’s wondering if maybe they should have gone and avoided the bets and everything that came with it.

“You took most of them, don’t complain to me about it,” Soojung giggles, stretching her leg and trying to tickle her with her barefoot toes. She’s pressed up to Jongdae comfortingly though he hasn’t said anything about why he’d need to be comforted, but Soojung’s like that. Not evidently warm, but always subtly there when she’s needed. “I think you look pretty in all of them, you always do when it’s sunny like it was over there.”

Sunyoung turns pink, furiously scrolling faster through the pictures and Jongdae doesn’t laugh because he loves her too much. Maybe though, he considers, he should get Sunyoung to have a little talk with Kyungsoo, see if they can help each other out with their obliviousness, because being surrounded by idiots with feelings is getting tiring.

“We should get these ones printed,” Sunyoung finally says, showing her phone to Soojung who nods enthusiastically. They do this a lot, talk to each other like Jongdae isn’t there when they’re waiting for him to say why he’s here, which is yet another sign he’s the one in distress here, even though he’s not so sure he’s ready to admit it. What would his distress even be about?

Suddenly, the door bursts wide open, and Baekhyun walks in, headed straight to Soojung’s bed and face planting on it. There’s the alarm, Jongdae thinks with immediate relief flooding him for some reason.

“ _Op-pa_ ,” Soojung singsongs as she gets on her knees and crawls over to the edge of her bed, patting Baekhyun’s head. “You alright?”

“Yixing’s leaving. Again,” Baekhyun whispers, rolling over and blowing the hair off his face dramatically, though it flops right back on his  eyes.

Yixing’s mom has been sick since he was a little kid, and he’s been raised by his grandparents for the most part of his life. Leaving them to come study in Seoul was hard, but then it got harder because his mom has been getting worse every year, and Yixing is always either working to pay for his flights, or flying back home to see her when she’s admitted back in the hospital. It’s a tough life, and Jongdae admires him for how hard he works at trying to keep up with everything -- he’d met Baekhyun because he’d needed some tutoring after failing a class, since he’s not superhuman and it was all a bit too much even for someone as dedicated as him, and they’d started going out soon after. Jongdae think it’s nice, how much they care for each other, but he also thinks it’s a little stupid because it keeps bringing them both so much pain, and he’s not sure he gets why it’s worth the trouble.

Sunyoung has put her phone away and is carefully treading over Jongdae to get to Baekhyun, sitting on the bed next to him and patting his stomach.

“I get he has to do it, but he was barely here for like, a minute,” Baekhyun says with his worst pout, and Jongdae mirrors it instantly because his sadness is almost contagious.

He knows Baekhyun would never say these things to Yixing, not like this at least. They talk about everything, but Baekhyun would never make him feel guilty for leaving, which is why he needs them to let him have his moment of tragedy, just so he can get it out of his system.

“Do you know when he’ll be back?” Sunyoung asks quietly.

“In a couple of weeks, he can’t just disappear the whole semester -- not again, at least,” Baekhyun sighs, rolling over so he’s lying on his side, facing Soojung and leaning into her touch, letting her ruffle his hair without a complaint. “It’s stupid, I know, but I miss him and I -- I don’t know. It doesn’t get easier, which, you know. Sucks.”

“It’s not stupid,” Soojung says, frowning at him, her hand going still where it’s still gently grabbing his hair. “You’re allowed to miss him, don’t say it like you’re doing something bad.”

It’s hard, seeing Baekhyun suffer, but Jongdae never knows what to say when these things happen. This is why he’s always coming up with ways to get Yixing off his mind, because he doesn’t know how to talk to him about this, not when it makes so little sense to him.

“Maybe,” he starts saying, and he feels three pairs of eyes on him watching him cautiously, “maybe you should try like, an open relationship kinda thing?”

The silence is deafening.

“Look, all I’m saying is… why are you putting all your eggs in one basket if that basket is constantly leaving? What’s the difference between that basket and all the other baskets out there that would be thrilled to be holding… okay, that metaphor went to a bad place, but you get my point,” Jongdae says, sitting up as he talks and doing his best to avoid looking at either Sunyoung or Soojung since they both seem prepared to jump at his throat.

Baekhyun doesn’t say anything for a moment, and then there’s a tiny, tiny smile on his face.

“Because I love him,” he says, like it’s something he had somehow not realized before. “I don’t want other baskets, I… his is the only basket that matters, and it’s worth the wait, because I love him. It’s just, I guess it’s easy to forget how worth it it is, sometimes, when it hurts so bad, but… yeah. Thanks, Jongdae,” he adds with a smile so soft Jongdae is taken aback by it.

He didn’t mean for that to happen, but Sunyoung and Soojung are looking at him like he just did a good thing, so he’s not going to question it, especially since Baekhyun is sitting up and wiping his tears with determination. He realizes, in hindsight, it may have come off like he was trying to help him see what he discovered, but really he genuinely wanted to know, and suddenly that’s enough to help him see what _his_ emergency is.

Lu Han doesn’t love Tian. When confronted about it, he said _Tian_ loves him, which is the most ridiculous statement Jongdae has heard in his life (and that is saying a lot, since he’s taken a lot of creative writing classes). He never said he loves Tian, and it’s a good thing, because Jongdae has never taken Lu Han for a liar, but he would have had to be the worst one of them all to say that out loud and pretend like he meant it. He’s sticking to what he knows, even if it’s making him miss out on other great opportunities -- and yes, Jongdae does mean himself by that -- but there’s nothing making it worth it. He’s just suffering pointlessly, and making Jongdae suffer in the process, for nothing. For cowardice.

“Uh, Earth to Jongdae?” Soojung snaps her fingers a bit too close to his face, and Jongdae is brought back to the real world. “Anything we can help you with?”

“No, sorry, just… spaced out for a moment there,” Jongdae shakes his head, and then Baekhyun’s talking again because he may be calmer but he’s still got a long list of things to whine about, and Jongdae’s glad for once that the attention is concentrated elsewhere. He’s got a lot to think about.

  
  
  
  
  


It’s hard to remember who came up with the idea of getting vodka shots, but Jongdae hopes it was him, because it was a brilliant move. It hasn’t made Baekhyun less sad, but it’s made him talk again at least, and that’s always better than a quiet Baekhyun, even if his words are depressing.

“It sucks because I knew he’d only be here for a little while, but it still hits me like a train every time he leaves,” he’s saying, maybe to Lu Han, more likely to his shot glass, but Lu Han is certainly listening, eyes wide open as he nods along..

Jongdae loves Baekhyun more than anything, but Lu Han is wearing eyeliner and he’s styled his hair so that it falls slightly on his eyes, and suddenly all those years of friendship are going down the drain because Jongdae hasn’t been able to pay attention to Baekhyun’s laments ever since he saw him walking in. Jongdae definitely doesn’t remember who invited Lu Han, and he sure hopes it wasn’t him because this is bound to end poorly, with the turmoil of feelings he’s got inside and how pretty Lu Han looks not blending too well together.

“Long distance is hard,” Lu Han says, patting Baekhyun’s back so comfortably Jongdae vaguely realizes he’s probably a bit wasted himself. “Long distance _sucks_.”

It’s not the right time to laugh, but he says it with such a serious expression, as if he was saying something incredibly wise and deep, that Jongdae giggles, earning himself glares from both of them. If Chanyeol was here, he’d laugh with him, but then Kyungsoo would also be here and he’d glare too, so there’s no winning for Jongdae. All he’s got is Sunyoung and Soojung, but they’re off dancing somewhere while he’s stuck with two heartbroken idiots. When he glances at the dancefloor to check on them, he spots some of Lu Han’s football team, and realizes they probably didn’t invite him, it was more like he was just already there and somehow gravitated towards them. Towards him, he hopes.

“It’s scary, I think,” Baekhyun nods after a deep breath that sounded dangerously close to a sob. “Like I wonder… how long it can go on for, if it’s gonna always be this hard. I want it to be forever, but what if he gets tired?”

“Yeah, I get that,” Lu Han sighs, and something in Jongdae flares up. Something stupid, definitely something angry, but he doesn’t realize that, at least not before it’s too late and he’s already opened up his mouth.

“Have hope, Baekhyun-ah,” Jongdae chimes in, tapping Baekhyun’s chin gently. “At least _you two_ love each other, right? That will keep it going.”

There was a slight chance Lu Han might have been on the side of drunk where he wouldn’t have heard the obvious yet only implied juxtaposition in Jongdae’s comment, but his entire expression shifts so quickly Jongdae knows right away he definitely caught it. He’s on his feet and walking away before Jongdae can say anything, but he’s not sure he would have known what to say anyway.

“Jesus, I thought you were working on being less of an asshole, not more,” Baekhyun frowns at him, leaning closer to punch his arm, not quite so softly.

“Should I go after him?” he asks Baekhyun anxiously, frowning as he rackets through his brain trying to find something he can say that will make Lu Han less angry. Or less sad. He’s not sure which is the predominant feeling right now but they both seem terrible options.

“Of course you should go after him, you idiot,” Baekhyun says, shaking his head at him. “Go before he flies back to China and leaves you forever, like he should.”

There’s a lot to unpack in that sentence but Jongdae doesn’t have the time to get into it right now, so he makes a run for the door. Lu Han is right outside, leaning against the wall and staring at his phone screen with his eyebrows so scrunched up Jongdae worries it might give him a headache.

“Hey,” Jongdae says, slightly out of breath, and having Lu Han’s indignant stare directed straight at him under the shitty street lights is a dreadful experience he doesn’t ever wanna repeat. “I’m sorry for what I said inside… I was -- I don’t know. I just really like you and... and I’m an asshole, I try not to be, but it comes out every now and then, and you didn’t deserve that,” he admits, dropping his arms by his sides like he’s giving up. He knows what he said was true, but he also knows it was out of line to bring it up like that and he’s probably ruined all his chances, if he ever had any.

Lu Han looks at him for a moment, and Jongdae can almost see the gears in his brain, how he’s trying to read him and make sense of him. He wishes he could make sense of himself too, but he really can’t, so he feels bad for Lu Han because he shouldn’t even be trying. There’s not much to read here, no tragic backstory to justify Jongdae being like this, he just is and apparently changing is harder than he could have ever imagined.

“You should go back inside, to Baekhyun,” is all Lu Han says after contemplating Jongdae for what feels like an eternity, and Jongdae’s heart plummets to the ground. “It’s fine, Jongdae, just… I need some space. And some time. We’ll talk about this some other day, okay?”

He sounds sincere, and Jongdae appreciates that. It means he’s got a shot at getting him to forgive him, at the very least, if he can be decent for once and actually lets him have his space and his time.

“Okay, yeah,” he says quietly, sticking his hands in his pockets because he’s afraid they might do something silly if he leaves them unsupervised, like try and reach for Lu Han. Touching him is the opposite of giving him space, and Jongdae needs to walk away right now. “Yeah, I’ll go back to Baekhyun and, uh. We’ll talk later?”

His question is filled with need, and Lu Han’s eyes go soft at his tone.

“Yeah, definitely,” he nods, giving Jongdae something that’s almost a smile, and it’s enough for him for now.

Lu Han sticks his phone in his pocket as some guy from his football team comes out of the bar, clearly his ride, and he waves shortly at Jongdae before they’re walking away. It’s not a lot, but he doesn’t hate Jongdae, and it’s all he needs to gather his strengths and try to keep shifting his opinion of him from not hating to liking him again. But it will have to wait, now Jongdae has a sad friend to comfort, and he needs to go get the way too cozy couple of girls some water before they do anything they might regret.

If he does it all thinking of Lu Han’s ten percent of a smile, then that’s something none of them ever need to find out.

  
  


Jongdae gives him a couple of days. Literally two, and he makes it forty eight hours because he’s got a quiz that he needs to pass so he actually finds himself studying for once, cramming as much content as he can into his brain and then spilling it all on the exam paper so that it feels like he didn’t actually learn anything at all, he just transported knowledge from one sheet of paper to another.

On the third day, he decides that’s enough time and space, and goes knocking on Lu Han’s door to no avail. There’s no answer when he knocks in the morning, and there’s no answer when he comes back in the afternoon. Lu Han can’t possibly know it’s him, because he’s been very careful not to speak and to stay out of the field of view of the peephole, in case he’s trying to avoid him. It makes him vaguely uneasy, but then he goes knocking at midnight, and the lack of response worries him for real.

With absolute disregard for his sleeping schedule, he sits on the floor against Lu Han’s door and dials Minseok’s number.

“He’s gone,” Minseok says dramatically as soon as he picks up, and Jongdae can feel his heart sinking all the way down the three floors below him until it reaches ground level and then keeps going, straight to the center of the earth so it can burn in flames like he deserves.

“What do you mean he’s gone?” he asks, high pitched in a way he didn’t even know he could get his voice to sound. “Gone where? When is he coming back? He is coming back, right?”

It’s not his fault if Baekhyun’s words are ringing in his head, _he flies back to China and leaves you forever, like he should_. Lu Han’s left, and it’s all his fault, because he couldn’t for once try and be a good friend instead of a jealous dick.

“He’ll be back next week,” Minseok replies with a yawn, but Jongdae can tell there’s a smirk hidden there and he knows he made that long pause on purpose, because he thinks Jongdae deserves the suffering. It’s true, he does, but it still makes him want to pinch Minseok. “He had some issues to take care of back at home. Urgent stuff, he wouldn’t say what it was.”

“Huh,” is all Jongdae can answer, slowly realizing a whole week with Lu Han leaves him purposeless. Sure, he could try and focus on his classes or whatever, but he was really looking forward to spending his week convincing Lu Han he’s not as dumb as he’s made himself appear and now he’s got no plans whatsoever.

“Just go to sleep already,” Minseok says and then hangs up right away, leaving Jongdae alone with his thoughts.

Luckily for him, only a couple minutes go by before he spots someone walking down the hallway, headed straight for his door. He gives her a minute, and Sunyoung actually knocks on the door before she sees him sitting on the floor. She raises her eyebrows like she has a lot to say about his current situation but won’t, and he smiles sheepishly back at her.

“Do you have a minute?” she asks, and her tone is urgent enough Jongdae doesn’t think there’s more than one possible answer.

“Sure,” he nods, getting to his feet.

Soon enough, they’re sitting side by side on his bed, back against the wall as Sunyoung sighs deeply and fiddles with Jongdae’s fingers for a moment.

“When I was walking here, it hit me that I was coming to Kim Jongdae out of all people for love advice, and I have to admit, I had to stop and really think about it for a moment,” she starts, making Jongdae burst into laughter and cut the tension easily. “Shut up,” Sunyoung says, giggling softly as she slaps his arm. “But seriously, you handled Baekhyun so easily the other day, I thought maybe… and you’ve known us for so long, I was hoping you’d have something smart to say about this.”

“Jesus, Sunyoung, just kiss the girl already,” Jongdae says, rolling his eyes, making Sunyoung blink at him in confusion. Before she says anything, there’s a knock at his door. “Come in?” he says hesitantly, already imagining a romcom type of scene in which Soojung is also here to ask for advice and they end up fucking in his bed. Luckily, it’s just Chanyeol.

“Oh, you’re up,” Chanyeol grins as he jumps on the empty spot next to Sunyoung. “What were you guys chatting about?”

“Oh, nothing,” Sunyoung says right away, and Jongdae would laugh at how she blushes if he wasn’t busy being suspicious of Chanyeol’s motives for showing up like this.

“Did you need something?” Jongdae asks, and Chanyeol looks up from the hole in his pajamas he was picking up like he’s been caught red handed, which speaks for itself. “At least I can save my breath and just give you both the same wise advice -- you do seriously like them, you’re not imagining things, and yes, you should kiss your best friend and get it over with, everyone around you is suffering.”

It’s funny to see such different people giving the same reaction, because Jongdae would have expected Sunyoung to at least fight him a little or something, and instead they both sheepishly stare at their feet.

“It’s scary,” Sunyoung says at last, looking up, but not at Jongdae. Chanyeol catches her eye and nods, and Jongdae isn’t sure why in all these years he’d never thought both his groups of friends could get on with each other. “If I screw this up, and Soojung hates me for it… I don’t know what I’d do.”

“He really is my best friend,” Chanyeol agrees, and Jongdae slaps his arm for good measure though he’d just said that two seconds ago. “You’re my best friend too, but I’m not in love with you, so it’s irrelevant right now,” Chanyeol tells him, frowning as he rubs the injured spot.

“It’s not irrelevant, if you screw this up -- you’ll both still have me, so. Highly relevant,” Jongdae says, holding up his finger and waggling it between the two of them. “But you won’t, and in any case… you both have such long histories of being close with them and all that, even if it doesn’t work out, you’ll always be friends. You’re not risking losing them completely, so don’t be stupid and go for it.”

He didn’t mean to make this about himself, and he would pretend that didn’t just happen but they’re both looking at him like they know what he means all too well.

“You didn’t lose him, dumbass,” Chanyeol tells him as he grabs his knee comfortingly. “He liked you since you creepily hit on him that first night we went out, and frankly, if he was into that I don’t think there’s much you can do to get rid of him.”

Jongdae frowns at him, but Sunyoung steals his attention before he can defend his flirting.

“He’ll come to you, when he’s ready,” she nods, and Jongdae hasn’t stopped frowning because it’s all getting too deep and emotional and he doesn’t like it.

“Neither of you is qualified to give me advice, but thanks,” he says despite himself, pulling his knees to his chest and putting one hand over Chanyeol’s, the other over Sunyoung’s. “You’re not terrible friends, but I’m never going on a double date with either of you. I would consider Baekhyun but I’m worried Yixing and Lu Han might talk shit about us in Chinese.”

“Aw, you admitted you wanna date him and we didn’t even have to trick you into it,” Sunyoung coos, pinching his cheek until he swats her hand away, but he’s smiling at the thought. Stupid Lu Han and his stupid hand that is the one Jongdae has been truly wanting to hold for so long now.

“I was horrible to him,” he says, and neither of his friends can argue against it, but they don’t even try and Jongdae files that information to get offended about it later.

“But you were also great, when you weren’t so focused on how much you hated liking him,” Chanyeol replies, shrugging his shoulders. “Maybe now you’ve admitted it to yourself, you can start being nice twenty-four seven. The world might implode, sure, but it might be worth it.”

“I’m gonna miss free lunches,” Jongdae says wistfully, ignoring Sunyoung’s raised eyebrows.

“And I’m gonna miss free desserts, but it’s the right thing to do,” Chanyeol laughs, though Jongdae can see a glimpse of fear in his eyes when he accidentally catches Sunyoung’s glare. There’s a reason she’s never gotten free desserts.

  
  


Lu Han comes back on a Wednesday, but Jongdae doesn’t find out until it’s almost Thursday, having spent his time between attending classes to the shock of his teachers, and helping Siwon out at the cafeteria. He started doing it out of guilt, and then he found out he actually enjoyed hanging out there and getting to talk to people. He’s even started to learn a little about how the whole business side of it works, and it’s been surprisingly fun. Also, he’s no longer in danger of leading Siwon on by accident, mostly because he can’t go for ten minutes without talking about Lu Han. Iit seems like having things cleared up hasn’t made him start hating Jongdae. If anything, Siwon seems to like him more now that Jongdae’s actively trying to befriend him.

When he finally gets back to his place, Jongdae finds Lu Han sitting in the hallway, leaning against Jongdae’s door.

“Hey,” he grins, and Jongdae would reach out to help him get up, but he’s tired and this has him taken aback, so instead he slides down until he’s sitting next to him, legs crossed.

“Hi,” he says, tilting his head as he examines Lu Han’s face. It hasn’t even been that long, but Jongdae missed him terribly so, every bit of him. It’s terrifying. “How was… China?”

“Beijing,” Lu Han nods, running his hands down his thighs and staring at them like he needs to keep an eye to make them move. “It was good. Saw my mom. Broke up with Tian. Hung out with my cat.”

Jongdae doesn’t want to be happy about this, but he can’t help himself. He does, however, do his best to avoid smiling.

“How did she take it?” he asks, because out of the million questions lingering in his head, that one seems the most polite. _Did you do it because of me_ is next in line, though.

“My cat? She was glad to see me. Tian, uh. Not too hard,” Lu Han shakes his head, dropping it back against the door with a sigh as he glances at Jongdae. “Turns out she had a back up ready, so no harm was done.”

Wincing, Jongdae starts to lift his hand to squeeze his knee comfortingly, but he doesn’t follow through with it, dropping his hand back on his own knee. Not yet.

“Sorry,” he says. Lu Han smiles at him, and Jongdae feels full. Full of what, he’s not sure, but he feels whole, in a way, like Lu Han’s gone from taking up space in his mind to building a whole house for himself in there, and then he’d gone and left such an emptiness that Jongdae can’t quite comprehend how at ease he feels right now.

“It’s alright,” Lu Han says, and Jongdae sees his hand move from his knee towards him in slow motion, until it’s on top of Jongdae’s hand and when he squeezes, Jongdae knows they’ve been tiptoeing around something that’s not nothing without daring to see what it is, and now Jongdae is ready to put a name to it. If Lu Han lets him. If he wants to. “It didn’t make sense anymore, and I think… I think it hadn’t made sense in a long time, but I’d been too scared to let go of the one thing that seemed to stay the same. But change can be good.”

Jongdae doesn’t know what to say to that, because Lu Han’s hand is holding his, fingers intertwined, and he has lost any ability to form coherent sentences for the time being.

“I missed you,” he says instead of anything remotely similar to an answer, because it’s what he feels the most and it just spills right out of him. “I was scared you wouldn’t come back.”

“I go to school here, Jongdae,” Lu Han says with a chuckle, but it’s soft and he’s tracing circles on Jongdae’s palm with his thumb, and maybe he’s smiling because he feels as happy as Jongdae does, maybe that’s why he keeps laughing at nothing. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything, but I had to do it on my own, to make sure I was doing it because it was truly over, and not because of you.”

It’s actually better than him saying he’d done all that because he was so into Jongdae he couldn’t keep living a lie, because it feels easier like this. More honest.

“I think I might drop out. Or switch majors. Or get a job,” Jongdae says, because he’s been storing all these little things he wanted to tell Lu Han about and it was only seven days but there was so much he wanted to share and now that he has him here, he can’t keep any of it inside.

Lu Han laughs, loud and beautiful.

“God. Okay, you’ll have to tell me about that later, it sounds like a better choice than this drifting through life thing you were doing,” he says, eyes crinkled into half moons and Jongdae had never wanted to kiss someone’s eyelids before but he kind of wants to kiss all of him right now.

“Are we gonna be friends now?” he asks, bringing Lu Han’s hand up to his lips because it seems like the most harmless inch of skin he can kiss.

“Do you wanna be friends?” Lu Han retaliates, and he’s amused, Jongdae’s state of daze apparently funny to him.

“No,” Jongdae says, raising his eyebrows at him. “I want to date you.”

It’s not much, but for Jongdae, who’s spent years of his life running from people and doing his best effort to keep them at arm’s length, it’s a bold move.

“Okay,” Lu Han smiles. It’s too easy, it makes Jongdae wonder if he should pinch himself, make sure he’s not dreaming. “Is that all?”

“I wanna kiss you,” Jongdae adds just in case, his lips still close to Lu Han’s knuckles. “You fucked me up, I hope you realize that. I feel like I just got out of the world’s tallest rollercoaster just because you’re smiling like that. I hate it.”

Lu Han blushes and cackles in a way that’s far from elegant, and Jongdae hates how fond he is of his face at all times.

“You wanna date me and kiss me because you hate how I make you feel? You’re a strange man, Kim Jongdae, and to be honest, your first initial attempts at seducing me were much smoother than this. Do you only function properly when you’re hitting on taken men?”

“I’d be functioning perfectly if that was the case,” Jongdae says squinting at him as he squeezes his hand, in case he’s missing his point.

“Oh, am I taken, then?” Lu Han asks with a mischievous glint in his eyes as he scoots up closer, pressing a kiss to Jongdae’s shoulder. “Haven’t even had the nerve to kiss me and you’re claiming me already, how very territorial of you.”

It’s enough for Jongdae to close the gap between them, his free hand going to Lu Han’s cheek as he finally kisses him. It’s been a long time coming, and he breathes him in like he’s been meaning to since he first saw him. It’s raw, and just as he’s about to pull away, Jongdae is hit with the realization that is their first kiss and there’s many more to come and it’s so overwhelming to think about, he leans in and kisses him again, just to prove to the more incredulous part of his brain that this is really happening, he can do this as much as wants to.

“We can go slow,” Jongdae says as he pulls away, Lu Han’s hand on the back of his head preventing him from putting too much distance between them. “We can go out, see what happens. I don’t mind.”

“I’ve never been one for taking things slow,” Lu Han says earnestly, and he’s about to say something else when someone walks past them, distracting him momentarily. “But I know you’re not one for taking things seriously, so I’ll adjust to your pace.”

Jongdae looks at the back of the guy that had carefully just walked by, glued to the wall as if that would make him invisible. It was nice of him, he considers as an afterthought. He looks back at Lu Han, and when he smiles at him, Lu Han leans and kisses him softly, stirring something up inside Jongdae. It’s gentle and warm, and it makes Jongdae feel something brave in his chest, something he ought to listen to this time.

“I’m serious already about this, Lu Han, I like you… a ridiculous amount,” he says firmly. “I want to date you for real. I want… I want to kiss you a billion more times and make sure everyone knows I get to kiss you now. And I want to fall in love with you, though frankly, I think I might be halfway there so that’s an easy goal.”

The hallway floor might not seem like the best place to be doing this, but it’s late enough that there’s not many people walking past them, and as Lu Han hooks a finger under Jongdae’s chin to pull him in so he can get started on the billion kisses he’s just demanded, Jongdae thinks this particular hallway might be his favorite place in the whole wide world from now.


End file.
